You Aren’t a Bad Mom, You Just Want to Drink Your Coffee While it’s Still Hot.

You Aren’t a Bad Mom — You Just Want to Drink Your Coffee While It’s Still Hot

Motherhood is beautiful. But it’s also relentless.

There are moments you want to freeze in time… and moments you’d do anything to escape. And somewhere between the diapers and the tantrums, the sleepless nights and snack negotiations, you find yourself wondering if it’s even okay to want five minutes alone — just to drink your coffee while it’s still hot.

Let me say this clearly:

You’re not a bad mom, you’re just a human being who needs a break.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish — It’s Survival

We’ve been sold a version of motherhood that glorifies self-sacrifice. You’re told that being a “good mom” means giving everything — your time, your energy, your body, your sleep, without asking for anything in return.

The sincerest truth is: your needs matter too.
And self-care doesn’t have to mean massages or weekend getaways. Sometimes it’s just giving yourself full permission to enjoy your coffee fresh, no interruptions, no guilt.

If the baby is screaming, it’s okay to set them down in their crib, walk out of the room, and take a breath.
You won’t traumatize them.
You’re showing up with emotional regulation, and that’s what helps them co-regulate too.

As psychologist and author Dr. Laura Markham says, “Regulating your own emotions is the most important thing you can do to raise a well-adjusted child.” That starts with acknowledging your own limits, not pushing past them at every turn.

Being the Primary Parent is a Full-Time Emotional Job

Even in the most well-meaning partnerships, it’s often moms who carry the invisible load.
You don’t just know when the dentist appointment is, you schedule it, worry about it, and pack the snacks for after.

And when the baby’s screaming or the house is chaos, there’s often no mental space to delegate or explain. So what happens? You just do it yourself. Again.

But here’s the problem: that “I’ll just do it” instinct becomes your prison.

Eventually, your partner stops stepping in.
Eventually, you believe they can’t do it right.
Eventually, you forget that your needs matter too.

So let’s be clear:
This isn’t just about dividing chores. It’s about boundaries — especially the ones you set with yourself.

You have to start asking:

• What am I saying yes to just to keep the peace?

• Where am I making myself disappear because I think no one else can handle it?

Asking for Help Might Feel Like Losing Control

It’s not easy to let someone else take the reins, especially when you’ve done everything yourself for so long. But part of setting boundaries means tolerating the discomfort of receiving help, even when it’s messier or slower or not your way.

Your partner may not load the dishwasher like you do. The bedtime routine might involve more giggling than structure. And still, it counts.

Let them show up, even imperfectly.

You don’t have to carry it all just because you’re good at carrying it.

Your Kids Are Learning from You — And That’s the Point

Your children are watching everything.

When you never sit down, they learn rest is earned.
When you say yes while simmering with resentment, they learn love means self-abandonment.
When you deny your own needs, they learn theirs aren’t important either.

As Dr. Brené Brown notes, “The question isn't so much, ‘Are you parenting the right way?’ The question is, ‘Are you the adult you want your child to grow up to be?’”

Let them see you take a break. Let them hear you say, “I need five minutes.”
You’re not abandoning them, you’re modeling regulation.

Timeout Isn’t Just for Toddlers

You’ve said it before: “Go to your room and calm down.”
But have you ever said it to yourself?

I have.

I’ve looked at my son and said, “Mom needs a break. You didn’t do anything wrong, but I need a few minutes. I’ll be back.” And you know what? He gets it. He learns that adults need timeouts too, and that asking for space doesn’t mean love disappears.

You’re Allowed to Want More Than Survival

You’re allowed to want a hot coffee.
You’re allowed to want peace and quiet.
You’re allowed to not love every moment.

That doesn’t make you a bad mom.
It makes you a real one.

I Want You to Know

if you’ve been telling yourself, “I’m such a bad mom for needing a break” — I want you to stop.

You are not a bad mom.

You are a person. And your needs count too.

If this post hit a nerve, if you're running on fumes and still telling yourself you have to do it all, there's another way.
You don’t have to white-knuckle your way through motherhood.

I work with women who are tired of being the default parent, who are ready to set boundaries, speak up for themselves, and feel human again, not just mom.

Let’s talk. No pressure. Just space to breathe and figure out what you need.

👉 Book a Free Clarity Call — your coffee is waiting.

— Markham, L. (2012). Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.

— Brown, B. (2010). The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are. Hazelden.

You deserve to come home to yourself.
Jennifer

🌊 www.caughtinawave.ca